Friendship’s three-course meal
The truth is: Everybody doesn't have to be your best friend.
When you're meeting new people, it's okay to not have the goal of seeking a bestie. Take the pressure off of yourself and every interation.
Think about it like looking at a menu…
Some people are gonna be your appetizer friendships, and your entree friendships, and your dessert friendships.
🍟 Your appetizer friends are those light, casual, low frequency acquaintances. People that you're bumping into regularly, but it requires little to no maintenance. You don't have to keep up a text thread, you don't have to be scheduling with them all the time, but you’re always happy to see them and chat whenever you bump into each other.
🍜 Your entree friends are the classics, the comfort food, the people you’re coming back to over and over again. These are the people you will make time for on purpose because they’re central in your life. These are the high vulnerability, higher frequency, closer friendships.
🍧 Then there's the dessert friends. You don’t have dessert every day. It’s less frequent, but it stands out because it’s special. This could be your once-a-year getaway vacation gang, or the people you do special outings with, like sequins-n-theater night or the moonlight-kayak camping trip. Your time together may be infrequent but it feels special and it creates a memorable experience or a sense of adventure.
And it is ok for people to move between these different levels at different times in your life.
What are you hungry for right now?
When you want to make new friends or develop your existing friendships, the question to ask yourself is: What are you hungry for?
Get clear. What's your intention? What's your hope? What's your capacity? What are you craving? What can you maintain? What's a fit for your life at this moment and with the people that you have access to?
Because if you're super busy right now, you might just have room for appetizer friends.
Check-in first with yourself.
The things that you offer to others will vary depending on that check-in with yourself.
And when you know what you’re hungry for—order up! Take action to go out there and get it. :)
Warmly,
Kat Vellos
Author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships
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