The TLDR scoop on my favorite internet story this week

@nemos_journey on IG/threads is an introvert who realized she’d been spending too much time at home so she looked on Eventbrite for local events she could attend. When she stumbled upon a listing for a wedding that was listed publicly and had free RSVPs, she thought, “why not?” (The couple was doing a very DIY wedding which is why they used Eventbrite as a free and easy way to have their invited guests RSVP.)

Wanting to be a good guest, Nemo searched for the couples’ names online to find their registry and contribute to it. And since the dress code called for cocktail attire, she planned her outfit — a slinky floor-length, off-shoulder, fire engine red dress. She was gonna crash a wedding where she didn’t know anyone, and instead of trying to be a wallflower blending into the background, she decided to show all the way up.

Nemo came to the wedding and reception with a big-ass smile and a party-ready attitude. Once there, Nemo introduced herself to other guests including the bride and groom — the McDowells — who she met while giving them a congratulations card. Nemo captured some great photos and video, and posted about her adventure online afterwards. Her post made it back to the happy couple online, and the groom thanked her (in all caps no less) for coming, for being so respectful, and he said how much he and his wife loved the fact that she crashed their wedding!

5 Big-ass Brilliant Things That Nemo Did To Increase Her Chances of Success

1. Nemo wanted to get out of the house, and instead of opting to do something she’s already done a million times before, she searched online for new things, fresh things, things with a heretofore unexplored experiential sparkle. One of those options was “Go to a stranger’s wedding. Alone.”

2. When faced with the borderline absurd option of attending a total stranger’s wedding, Nemo said Yes. Saying yes to something like this takes courage, cojones, and a sense of adventure. And since saying yes carried the possibility of looking like a supreme asshole (seriously, who crashes a stranger’s wedding?), she made sure to do it as mindfully as possible. She got their names off the invitation and then used her google research skills to see if the couple was registered anywhere, then upon finding their registry, she made a contribution.

3. Nemo chose to go boldly where she had never gone before. You have two basic options when you decide to show up at a party you weren’t invited to: you can sneak in and try to remain hidden in the shadowy corners, or you can make your presence confidently known. Nemo chose the latter. Looking like the :woman-dancing: emoji, 💃🏽 she showed up in a slinky floor-length red dress, which made sure everyone would know that She Was Present.

By choosing an outfit that both matched the requested dress code (“cocktail attire”) and amping it up a notch to something that would definitely be noticed, Nemo made sure her outfit confirmed that she absolutely-and-not-at-all-accidentally came to a stranger’s wedding, ready to celebrate.

And for those who think wearing red to a wedding is a no-no, the bride and groom said in their follow-up TikTok video that they loved her outfit and they want all their friends and guests to express themselves in any way that makes them feel good—as long as they didn’t wear white LOL.

4. On the big day, Nemo rose to the occasion in every way, stepping up or hanging back when appropriate. She made sure never to detract from the ceremony or reception’s highlights. She captured video and photos to share at snap-worthy moments. She was friendly, engaged with other guests, and generously added to the already immaculate vibes in the room.

photo collage from the wedding nemo crashed, showing pictures from a lively and fun black wedding

5. Nemo gave a gift to both the happy couple and to herself. First: The couple gets to tell a funny story for the rest of their lives about the time a totally awesome stranger arrived as a surprise guest at their wedding — and like a good guest, she honored the registry; they’re a minimalist couple and said they only wanted cash gifts to fund their new life so that’s what she gave. Secondly: Nemo gave a double-gift to herself — she gets to tell the awesome story about the time she crashed a stranger’s wedding, and she gets to keep the lessons and growth that come from taking a wild and creative risk in the name of connection.

There’s no guarantee that doing something like this will always work out in your favor! If you show up at a stranger’s wedding, there’s a fair chance you’ll get angrily kicked out, and if you try to stay then the next person you might be talking to is the popo. But on the right day, in the right situation, with the right people getting married under the right stars, you can get a story like this Nemo’s. Viral for a moment, memorable for a lifetime.

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Lessons you can keep and apply to your own life without incurring the risk of being an actual wedding crasher

GTFOH
If you’ve been spending too much time pressing butt shapes into your couch cushions, get the eff out of your house! Remember: Nemo is an introvert. If she can do it, you can do it. 💪🏾
Unbox a new kind of memory
Do something new, babies! Emphasis on Something New. Instead of doing the same three things you allllllways do any time you decide to exit your domicile, reach to the end of your comfort zone. Reach to the fringey edge of your imagination. Reach to the never-before-explored reaches of all the websites that connect you to community groups and local events (eg. Eventbrite, Meetup, Luma, your town’s alternative newsweekly, the bulletin board in your city’s busiest coffee shops).
WWYD?
If you could exercise your courage, cojones, and sense of adventure, with no fear of awkwardness, embarrassment, or incarceration, what would you do? (For fun: Use this as a conversation-starter at your next staff meeting). Your mad libs answer: I would go to [a type of gathering] with/of/for [a type of people].

Nemo’s example: “I would go to a wedding for total strangers.”
Now you fill in the blank: I would go to a _______ with/of/for ________.

Other examples:
“I would go to a celebration party for newly naturalized citizens.”
“I would go to the birthday party of the oldest person at the local senior citizens home.”
“I would volunteer to go on-stage at the improv theater showcase.”

Pro tip: Choose a gathering where you can be a respectful and enthusiastic participant, not just a quiet observer.
Be the guest everyone loves
As the grande dame of gatherings, Priya Parker, has written about a gazillion times (are y’all paying attention or what), being a good guest is just as important as being a good host and arguably a more important skillset because you’re gonna be a guest WAY more often than you’re gonna be a host. When you’re a good guest, you don’t just tick the box for “showed up, ate a room temp chicken caesar salad, smiled, and went home” — when you’re a good guest, you actively help bring the vibe to life. You bring something special, even if that special thing is just YOU being your fully expressed unique lil self. Wear the sparkly gown and/or dapper blazer you never wear, and wear it with a million-dollar smile. Help other people enjoy themselves, dropping in even deeper to the mood that’s being cultivated in the room. Make the people near you thrilled and grateful that you’re there.
Don’t come empty-handed. (Especially if you’re crashing!)
Nemo didn’t just show up at the party expecting to eat their food, drink their drinks, and have herself a good time, and neither should you. Contribute to the good time of the people hosting you. Get them a gift you already know they’re gonna like (pssst this is how). This is a good time to Be Extra. What if, instead of showing up clutching a bottle of two-buck chuck and a limp handful of grocery store carnations like every other person has done ever since homo sapiens were hosting their first cave-warming parties, THINK about what you know about the hosts and bring something special and unique that THEY would especially appreciate. Does the host love mystery novels? Thank them with a copy of your favorite mystery or a gift card to the cutest local bookstore in town. Does the host have a sweet tooth? Bring a box of lemon custard kouign amanns from that bakery everyone is gaga for.
Tell people about it! Nemo could have gone home with her fun story and kept it to herself or just written in her journal about it. Instead, she chose to tell people about it on her Instagram and Threads accounts — complete with a live play-by-play during the wedding, plus pictures and videos posted during and after the event. Since all of her online postings were positive and kind, she amplified the goodness in the room, further uplifting the happy couple and their crew. Her live updates also made it possible for her followers to vicariously attend from a distance by following the story online. Afterwards, Nemo kept sharing updates, reactions, and answering people’s questions, which connected her to even more people — those new followers, fans, and online friends. When you shout out an awesome event, you do a great favor to the hosts, and you inspire the people who see your posts to try similar things and to engage with their world in bigger ways too. Win, win, win. 🙌🏾
If you’re hosting: Extend thy boundaries with intention
If you’re hosting an event and you list it publicly online, you damn sure better expect some strangers to come! It’s technically not “crashing” if someone finds out about your event in a public listing — but since the McDowell fiances only shared the Eventbrite link with their guests, they didn’t expect any strangers to find the listing or show up. Whoops, haha 😆!

In this follow-up video the couple posted on TikTok, they explain that about ten strangers actually RSVPd on their wedding’s Eventbrite page! The groom canceled the registrations for names he didn’t recognize, but somehow Nemo slipped through the cracks.

If you’re posting a mostly-private event and you want strangers to show up, you can say in the listing that total strangers are enthusiastically welcome — this is a fabulous way to meet adventurous new friends.

And if you love this story and want to contribute to the couple’s registry fund, you can do so here. 🫶🏾

Let’s wrap this gift

Neither Nemo nor I am trying to start a trend of nationwide wedding crashing (the Bridezillas of the world would surely have our heads rolling if we did), but what I want you to walk away from this story with is clarity about how YOU can also be boldly imaginative and playfully courageous in participating in life, connection, gatherings, and community in the universe that’s waiting for you on the other side of your front door.

Where you gonna go? / Where did you go?

Whatcha gonna do? / What did you do?

Tell me about it here.

We live in a world where far too many people will RSVP to a wedding and flakeTF out at the last second. In my book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, a young woman I interviewed called Ella tearfully told me about how she lost a friend who canceled their wedding RSVP at the last second and then used that disappointing performance as a slingshot to bail out of the entire friendship. In Ella’s case, her friend canceling their wedding RSVP was the death knell for their friendship. That last-minute No turned into a ghosty No Forever. And this is why showing up as not only a Yes… not only a Hell Yes… but as a Hell Yes I’m Enthusiastically Here For You Who Are A Complete Stranger To Me can be so goddamn groundbreaking.

Real people are crying everyday for their actual friends to show up for them like Nemo did for this stranger bride and groom. If you have the honor of being invited to your friend’s thing (wedding, baby shower, cave-warming party, dachshund group portrait day, whathaveyou) show the funk up! The value of showing up is HUGE is a world where far too many people flake, cancel, and bail by default. If you’re willing to show up and be an amazing guest, you make the party better for the hosts and you make life a helluva lot more interesting and fun for yourself too.

XO,
Kat Vellos, author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships