10 Inspiring Resources to Help You Build Strong Friendships
First, trust your gut
“I just have a feeling that something big is gonna happen. I don’t know what’s coming, but it feels like I have to get this book out right now.”
That’s what I said to my friend C on a drizzly evening in mid-November 2019, over a couple plates of steaming Mexican food. I was explaining to C the feeling of unexplainable certainty that I needed to release my friendship book, We Should Get Together, to the world ASAP. I could feel it in my gut — and no, it wasn't the extra spicy pineapple salsa.
My intuition was telling me to get this guidance into people's hands as soon as possible. I’d spent several years researching loneliness and adult friendship and everything I learned told me that people needed support and they needed it now.
As a professional digital marketer, C gave me tons of excellent advice, and she also suggested that I wait to release the book until the following spring—March or April 2020. That makes sense — tons of lifestyle books are released in spring and summer. She had multiple strategic reasons why that was a solid idea. “I can’t wait,” I told her. I had a feeling something was coming and I couldn't wait until spring. I pressed on. I was sticking with my plan to release it in winter —January 4, 2020 to be specific. I could see from the research that our society needed to bring this conversation about loneliness and the importance of friendship out into the open and into the spotlight.
…And about two months after my book release, boom, the COVID-19 pandemic hit the world. In March and April 2020, the world shut down. A big thing indeed.
In the time since then, we've seen a groundswell of conversations explode about the importance of friendship in adulthood. Along with that wave of awareness came an avalanche of resources, guides, podcasts, movies, shows, books, articles, artwork, and more.
If it seems like the world is suddenly obsessed with talking about friendship, that's because it is. And that's a good thing because it means that we are collectively increasing our emotional literacy for connection. With all this increased attention and conversation, we have a real chance at healing the loneliness epidemic that's gone on for far too long. I’m proud that my book We Should Get Together is a part of a massive connection collection that you have to choose from when it comes to finding the friendship you’ve been longing for. Whether you’re into books, podcasts, movies, or art, here are ten tools to inspire your friendship journey, support you on tough days, and spark conversations in your community.
10 fabulous resources to support your journey of friendship and community
If you’ve been feeling the urge to make new friends or get closer to your friends, don't put it off for some future “someday.” If you feel like right now is the right time, then don’t second-guess it. It’s the right time. I hope the tools below inspire and support you along the way.
Fund a community-building project in your neighborhood by applying for a $1,000 Community Microgrant, offered by Social Health Labs
[Podcast] What Are Friends For: A playful, uplifting, and real-talk podcast about the many angles of friendship. Hosted by Gabrielle Ruiz and Pallavi Sastry. I was a guest on their podcast during the pandemic when we talked about ways to stay connected with faraway friends. If you really like podcasts and discussing friendship in adulthood, here’s a Spotify playlist with 30+ podcasts where I share tips and reflections about cultivating friendship in adulthood.
[Book] Friendship in the Age of Loneliness. The latest release by author Smiley Poswolsky is a treasure trove of examples of friendships going right. Despite the darkness that surrounds us, many people are finding loads of deep connection. Read here for inspiration.
[Grant for Individual Community Projects] Each month, Social Health Labs, founded by Kasley Killam, awards $1,000 through their Community Microgrants program to support a community project that aims to achieve one or more of the following goals:
Foster friendship and connection
Strengthen neighborhood bonds
Build community cohesion locally
Bridge interpersonal and intergroup divides
Reduce social isolation and loneliness
The stars of the action movie The Old Guard on Netflix.
[Magazine] The 2021 Culture issue of T, the New York Times Style magazine celebrates friendship’s many facets including friends who are muses, friends who create together, new friends, friends who are family, and more.
[Movies] Ten, yes ten (!) movies centering friendship were released in the year 2020. Pop some corn, and invite some old friends and new friends to watch with you. Afterward, discuss what parts of the movie you resonated with the most and what part of the characters’ friendships you wish were more present in your life.
[Book] Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close. Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman chronicle their first ten years as friends, including that time they went to couples therapy together.
Jen and Molly, 1996. Photo by Karen Marshall
[Photography Series] Photographer Karen Marshall documented three decades of friendship between girls and women in black-n-white photography. The collection might make you nostalgic for the days when you hung out with your friends and no one checked their smartphones because they weren’t invented yet.
[Book] In Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond, Lydia Denworth provides a scientific view of the value of friendship.
[Discussion Club] Podcast Brunch Club is like book club but for podcasts. Join a community for people who want to make friends by discussing podcasts. The January 2021 podcast playlist includes five episodes about friendship. The July 2022 playlist is all about Community.
[Book] The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of Our Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time. Fellow friendship expert Shasta Nelson tells you how to make more friends at work, and why this is good for you and good for your company. You can find this and numerous other books about friendship on my Bookshop bookshelf of recommendations, all neatly organized by category.
Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships, by Robin Dunbar
BONUS! #11 is one of my absolute favorite friendship-related books (besides mine of course, lol). Drumroll please for….. Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships by Robin Dunbar. He’s the famous evolutionary psychologist you might have heard of from the phrase Dunbar’s Number. His theory states that the maximum number of ongoing relationships a person can maintain is 150. In Friends, he shares findings from a gargantuan number of creative research studies about what factors make our friendships succeed or fail, and what we should focus on if we want to create good friendships and feel more satisfied with the ones we have.
Phew! Ok, I hope that fills your friendship cup for a while! If you found this blog post helpful, please forward it to a friend who can benefit from it too.
And don’t forget to hop on my newsletter below. I send it twice a month with invites to events and groups plus resources like these to support you on the road to stronger, happier, more durable, and fulfilling friendships in adulthood.
Cheers!
Kat
