How to deal with an awkward neighbor you keep running into
Would you rather go to the dentist, sing in front of a crowded room, or have an awkward conversation with someone you’d rather not be talking to. None, amirite? But life is life and sometimes you gotta do most or all of the above. I can’t help you with your singing, or your dentist visits (aside from recommending my favorite floss), but today’s post will help you navigate awkward moments with more ease and grace until you’re able to run away and hide. Or, hey, just turn your attention away from them and get paid to make friends with new neighbors.
To kick things off, I’d like to introduce you to a real-life superhero. Justine Ang Fonte, M. Ed. MPH (she/they), has many gifts, talents, and superpowers, including being an intersectional health educator and knowing exactly what to say in all of life’s most awkward situations. Her superhero alter ego is Your Friendly Ghostwriter on Instagram, where she creates customized scripts for life, usually on the theme of creating and enforcing boundaries.
Setting and protecting your boundaries isn’t always hard or awkward, but because we don’t get a lot of education about how to do it well, I’m guessing that it probably isn’t high on your list of enjoyable activities. It’s awkward. It’s clumsy. But when it’s done well, you can walk away knowing that you were fair and respectful to both the other person and yourself at the same time.
Justine helps her followers navigate boundaries in every kind of situation you can imagine from broad categories like Work, Dating, Friendship, Casual, Partnership, Blast from the Past, and No Chemistry — all the way to very specific situations like:
How to Set Boundaries With Your Grandparents Who Misgender You
How to Set Boundaries With Your Parents Who Make Racist Comments
I’m telling you, Justine is a complete and total badass, and she shares my passion for writing fresh alternatives to life’s most annoying questions and frustrating conversational escapades.
Do you see why I’m such a fan? Justine and I recently connected on Instagram and wanted to collaborate so I invited her to join me today in giving advice about a scenario that a reader sent in:
Reader question: My conundrum is, there was someone I unfortunately had to cut out of my life for emotional purposes but they also happen to live in my neighborhood and we share a few friends in the same circle so we’ll see each other at holiday gatherings and milestone events for others. There is also a high chance that I will see them in the market, the salon, or while walking my dog.
I get very nervous at the thought of it as it was very hard for me to break away from the relationship and I feel much better now that I am no longer around this person’s energy. But what are some conversation cues you can have for people that you don’t necessarily want to drum up an actual conversation with, you just want to be kind/cordial and keep the encounter very brief?
We have had two run-ins over the last year and they’ve both been excruciatingly awkward. I haven’t found anything online. I thought since you were good at alternatives it might be something you were interested in.
My advice for this reader
While you can’t choose whether you run into this person or not, it’s clear that you don’t actually want to be engaged in conversation. While many times in life, we’re looking for ways to keep an awkward conversation flowing more smoothly, we’ve definitely all been in awkward conversations that we’d rather just escape from — or prevent them from starting at all. I see two options for dealing with this unfortunate neighbor situation: prevention and minimalism.
Option 1: Prevention
One way to make future run-ins easier is to set a clear, defining boundary combined with a clear “out” for both of you at the same time, like:
“Hey ___. I know that it’s awkward whenever we run into each other. Since we’re likely to keep seeing each other repeatedly, I just want to say that you don’t need to feel any pressure to make conversation with me, and I’d like to feel relieved of that subtle social pressure too. A smile and a wave would be enough to keep things light, while also giving each other the space we need.”
Option 2: Minimalism
When you inevitably run into each other, a cordial greeting or simple statement is a perfectly suitable way to communicate that you see them, you acknowledge their existence, and you’re not available for further interaction. Here are two examples for keeping your interactions brief.
“Good afternoon, ______. Beautiful day isn’t it? Enjoy the party. I heard the cinnamon rolls are delicious.”
“Happy Holidays, ______. I hope you’ve been taking good care of yourself. Wishing you all the best in the coming year.”
Here’s what Justine suggests
“Hi Davia, going forward, I want to respect each other’s space so I trust that a smile, wave, or nod from either one of us when we run into each other around the neighborhood, is sufficient and carries no hard feelings.“
“Hey you! Have fun at the game!“
“Hey there—stay warm!”
“Hi! You're going to the league party on Friday, right? See you there.”
“Hello again! Check out the sale on avocados if you can! “
If you’d like ongoing advice for setting boundaries and making farewells less freaky, Justine’s Instagram account is an ongoing education in how to give skillful responses in awkward situations. You can follow her on IG at @_good.byes_. May all your conversations this week be joyful, easy, and cringe-free.